Make Therapy Work for You
Tips to getting the most out of your therapeutic journey.
Is your New Years resolution to work on yourself from the inside this year?
Maybe you’ve made the leap to begin therapy, or perhaps you’ve been at it for a while, you’ve find a therapist you connect with, and you’re looking to make it worth your time. Let’s face it, therapy is an investment, and rightfully so. Your therapist has tens of thousands of dollars (sometimes hundreds) of higher education and advanced degrees, countless books read, individual coaching and supervision, professional trainings, hard earned licensure and unique expertise. When you invest in therapy, you’re investing in the knowledge and guidance of a highly trained health professional. But, your therapist is only part of the equation.
If you’re looking to make therapy the in depth, self-exploratory, life changing healing processing that it has the capacity to be, you have to be ready to work. Often times, I find clients don’t know how to use therapy for their own benefit. Offering some simple guidance can help take the therapeutic process from supportive to transformative. After years of practice, and many thousands of sessions, these are some useful tips I’ve found help the people I work with get the most out of their therapeutic process.
Arrive Early
Consider therapy a date with your inner self. When you arrive rushed, frantic, and anxious it can take many minutes to settle into the session and use the therapeutic space in a way that is useful for you. Five minutes of time to yourself to perhaps grab a beverage, use the bathroom, and ground before beginning a session provides you the ability to be more in your body and conscious of your emotional experiences. Especially in sex therapy and intimacy building, granting yourself the opportunity to center before session can make a great difference.
Come Open and Inquisitive
Sometimes, you might become aware that you need the support of therapy without knowing specifically what your therapeutic goals are. A good therapist will help identify areas of growth and develop a focus with you. However, we aren’t mind readers. The more you share, the more your therapist is able to help identify patterns, provide support, and offer insight. Consider therapy like looking into an unbiased mirror, if you don’t bring anything into the room, we can’t offer much reflection back. Similarly, come curious about yourself. You may find yourself exploring avenues that don’t feel connected, only to find they offered you exactly the insight you were seeking. Being receptive to all dynamics of the therapeutic experience gives you the chance to get to know yourself in a new and change provoking way.
Build A Relationship
Finding a therapist that is a good fit for you makes all the difference. Research shows that the relationship you build with your therapist is the biggest factor in experiencing therapeutic change. While therapists have to maintain certain professional boundaries (we can’t be facebook friends or hang out on weekends, sorry), we want to relate to you on a human to human level. The age of the “blank slate therapist” is Freudian history. I am very transparent with my clients about my queer, trans, poly and kinky identities because it helps them know I can relate to them through more than just a textbook. Take some time to find a therapist that you feel good with and then lean into building the trust that will get you further.
Dig Deeper
If you’re finding yourself spinning your wheels in therapy, consider how receptive you are to digging into the deep stuff. Often times, clients will quit therapy right before they get to the nitty gritty of the problem because frankly, we tend to avoid discomfort at most costs. However, therapy is one of the few places where that discomfort can be held in a productive and growth inducing manner. Allow yourself to stretch a little beyond that comfort zone.
Ask for What You Need
Therapists aren’t mind readers, and we aren’t robots either. If you have a sense that you need something you aren’t getting after therapy, ask for it! If you’d feel more centered if sessions started with a deep breathing exercise or if meeting at a different time of day would help you process better, don’t hesitate to communicate this with your therapist. Small adjustments can go a long way.
Do Your Homework
Not all therapists give structured homework. Most, at least, will prompt you to think deeply and reflect on certain issues over the coming week. I only see you in my office for 50 minutes out of your week. Consider this like an intensive training session, where you can then take tools, thoughts, and exercises into your personal life to explore what works. If you find you’d be more driven with specific resources, a great meditation app, or some guided self-reflection exercises, ask if this is something your therapist can help guide you towards. Growth becomes much more accessible when you take advantage of the time between therapy too!
Find a Self Care Routine
Last but never least, self-care is a necessity, not a suggestion. Developing a self care routine that works for you is critical to finding balance and being able to get the most out of your healing and growth in and out of therapy. Work with your therapist to find suggestions that work for your lifestyle and interests. I love helping clients find just the right balance of self care, and its such an empowering thing to see people get back in touch with their life source through self care. Consider self care a prescription for the soul.
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